A couple of days ago I had one of those days where I thought I am a bad mother! Let me first start out with how great the day went first. I was exhausted from staying up late with Jake. I hadn't seen him all day and sometimes I just sit by him and scratch his head while he does homework late at night. Because I kinda miss him. That's how our summer has been lately. Well Evelyn slept in till around 9:30! She never sleeps in that long. I kept thinking should I wake her up? Make sure she is okay? I poked my head in and she was sound asleep with her cute lil bum sticking up in the air. I love when babies/toddlers sleep like that.

Snow!

View from our window this morning

via

found on pinterest but couldn't find the link

I was featured on bedheadmom where moms and their bed head are celebrated! Wendy, the maker of this site is a beautiful person inside and out and it was so fun to just sit and talk with her. We talked a lot  about beauty and how we both think it is so important for our children, especially girls, to learn that true beauty comes from the inside. Head on over to here to check it out!

I was being interviewed for a blog and was asked this question. At first, the only answer I had was, "I never really have time to look at myself in the mirror. I throw my hair up, put on a little makeup, go to work, come home and play with my family." But as I have had more time to think about this question, I realized something. When I look in the mirror, my hair is usually a mess and neglected. I just got my hair trimmed and the last time I had it trimmed was before Evelyn was born. My makeup is never perfect and nearly gone by the time I settle down for the day. But when I really look in the mirror, I see that my hair is a mess because I have a little girl who loves to play with it. And my makeup is usually gone because of so many kisses from my hubby.

When I look in the mirror I see a woman who is loved.

First time holding Evelyn

This past week I have been watching videos of little Evelyn when she was first born. My goodness she is growing up. I have loved being able to watch her little personality come out. She is such a curious little girl and I love watching her experience things for the first time. The past couple of days it has been raining. Well I took her outside while it was just sprinkling and anytime a drop of rain would fall on her she would look up at me, smile and laugh! I just wanted to push pause and live that moment for a while.

She's become quite the lover of water. Anytime I am holding her while turning a faucet on, she turns towards the water and reaches her hand out to touch it. She loves bath time and usually by the end, I have had a bath as well with how much she splashes. It's so much fun.

She really has filled the hole in our lives. Not that the hole was a bad one, or a big one, but she has filled it and made our lives even better. I feel so humbled to be a mom, to be capable of bringing precious little children into my life. I think we all need more of them in our lives. To be around them. To learn from them as they learn from us. I have already learned so much from Evelyn. Babies are born with a need to be loved. To be taken care of. And there's nothing else in this world that I would rather do.

Okay this postpartum hair loss thing has got to stop. I feel like I am going through chemo again! It keeps coming out by the bushels, yet my mane is still as thick as ever. Jake just told me we need to vacuum.  Yikes! Poor Jake. You know it's bad when you walk around the house and can feel some of the hair in the carpet. I'm just about ready to chop it off.

Just about.

Some days are harder than others. Today was one of those days. One of those days where I didn't want to go to work and just stay home and play with baby e. I called Jake this morning to see how she was doing and heard her chatting away in the background. I knew right then she had her favorite stuffed animal in her hands and was telling her all about her morning so far. She loves that teddy bear. It made my day to hear her little voice. Jake and I, (like always) live for the weekends. It's my time to pretend I am a full stay at home mom and spend time with my little girl. I treasure the weekends. Don't get me wrong, I love love love my job. I love the people I work with. I love talking with my patients.

But I love my little girl more.

Being a working mom has made me treasure every second I get with her when I get home. Even when she is being fussy. E-mail can wait. Blogging can wait. Chores can wait. Cooking can wait...(sorry Jake!). Being a working mom can be hard, yet also rewarding. So hats off to you working mom's. It may not be the way you wanted it at first, some of you may not have a choice, but you do it because you love your family. I'm so grateful for Jake's hard work, plowing through school as fast as he can so I can be a stay at home mom.

Motherhood that is.

Yesterday was my first official Mother's Day! I don't know if any of you new mamma's feel like this, (or maybe it's just me) but I sometimes forget I am a mom. And it feels weird to say that I am a mom. Like I have a little girl. And I'm her mom. And she is my daughter. Weird right? Motherhood is still something new to me. I was telling my mom that I am getting small glimpses day by day on what it is like to be a mother. To take care of others before you even think about what you need. That you would do anything and everything for your little one. And that when you are completely exhausted from a hard days work and all you want to do is just sit down and sleep, you take care of your little one some more because you love them so much. Evelyn has started to smile quite a lot and I always tell Jake that no matter what stressful thing was bothering me before, as soon as I see that little smile I forget about it completely and smother her with kisses.

My first Mother's Day!

Anyways, Jake got up super early and made a wonderful breakfast for us and made sure that I didn't do a lick of work. It was fabulous. Then we spent Sunday morning with his family and then headed back down and spent the evening with my family. It was also Amie's 15th birthday which we celebrated and.....we got to skype with my brother! That was probably the highlight of our day. He looks so good and it was so fun to actually see him instead of just hear his voice. Boy do we all miss him.

He said he felt like he was playing Halo again with the headset!

The fam talking with Nate

Well I hope all you mother's, grandmother's, and soon to be mother's had a wonderful Mother's Day. Let me just say that I am so grateful for my own mother and my mother-in-law. I love them so much and this world would be a sad place without them.

If you were to ask me if I was bothered by needles my answer would be no. I have had my fair share of needles being poked and prodded into me. But after today....my answer would be, "I'm a wimp". Today was the dreaded shots appointment for Evelyn. There she was laying in her diaper on the examination table, warm, cute, chubby and cooing. Then the nurse grabbed three different syringes and poked each of them right into my heart. Obviously not really but my heart ached each time they poked my little girl. She screamed and screamed and as soon as the nurse left I picked up my little girl and cried with her. Yes I'm a wimp. And then we went home and praised whoever created infant Tylenol and my mom for bringing it over. I think I am going to take my little one, snuggle her and watch Downton Abbey the rest of the evening. It's been a rough day for both of us.

My dear friend Kim is my next motherhood guest. We both got married on the same day and had our babies six days apart! Crazy stuff right there. It was fun to have another person that was going through all that fun pregnancy stuff with you!


"Last June (one week after our first year anniversary), I found out I was pregnant! Me? Right now? Heavenly Father, are you sure about this? I'm a dance major and not ready to be a Mom yet. I still have to finish school! Plus Aaron and I are just getting the hang of married life and everything that that entails. I was frustrated. This wasn't my plan, nor did I feel it was my time to be a stay at home mommy...it just didn't sound that glamorous to me. I had seen so many crazy, undisciplined kids that I simply didn't want my own at the time. But I had to take a step back, it wasn't up to me anymore... this was God's plan for me and I needed to follow His will. Its tough to give up your dreams and desires to follow an unknown path full of unknown adventures, but I did it anyway. I had to toss my fear out the window and muster up enough faith to carry me through the next nine months of pregnancy. 

Somehow, by some miracle... I was able to switch my major from Dance to University Studies - this change alone helped me to graduate about two months before Michael was born. I did it! I graduated college with my bachelor's degree! Maybe it wasn't the major I had originally chosen or the route I had originally planned... but after all was said and done, I still was able to accomplish my goal I had set for myself. Then things became a little bit easier for a while...until the hard times set in. I was used to dancing 9 to 10 hours a day, plus going to the gym, running my errands, doing laundry, cleaning the house, going to the temple and on dates with Aaron...ward activities, social outings, etc. And then I quickly changed from an active lifestyle to (in my eyes) a sedentary one. Not a fun switcharoo I must say. But somehow I was still able to get in my daily exercise regime and clean and craft... and all that jazz... just a little less dancing. Then came the time to prepare the nursery... crazy but I didn't really care to make it all cute. I really wasn't excited to have a baby. I had quite the bad attitude, I must say. Slowly, I decided to change my attitude. Since I couldn't change the situation, nor could I back out... it was time I found a way to enjoy the journey that was about to take place in my life. I started crafting and sewing and cleaning up a storm! I even made drapes for the nursery - and I'm not a seamstress! Miracles do happen! haha 

For some reason I wasn't progressing on my own, so Aaron and I decided the doctor should induce me. Saturday Morning (Feb. 11th) I was induced and got the epidural after I was dilated to a 4 and then I pushed for two hours and there he was! The doctor let Aaron "catch" Mikey with him and place little Michael on my chest for the first time so he could meet his mommy. I held him and immediately started bawling. I began to try to calm his crying and had an infinite and instant love for this baby boy I had been carrying for the past nine months. It was such an overwhelming experience. Nothing could've prepared me for that moment. Its been a little over a month now since I gave birth to little Michael and its crazy how fast he has grown mentally and physically. He can roll over on his own and scoot across his blanket if you help him a bit. He is such a cuddle bug and loves to sleep on Mommy or Daddy's chest instead of in his bassinet or swing. I love being a Mom and taking care of such a cute and innocent little guy, but I must admit, Motherhood is exhausting hard work. Its tough waking up every few hours to feed him and change his diaper or soothe him to sleep again. And then waking up the next morning to do the same thing all day. I have found that its hard for me to get ready before 2 in the afternoon because he needs so much constant care. Its a luxury to take a shower now, rather than just something I had to do each day. :) Things change and you have to learn to do things really fast and while they are sleeping. Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, getting ready for the day are just a few simple things that must get sped up and done in between feedings. Its definitely a new adventure, but I am willing to take it and find a way to enjoy every step of the way. It gets better every day. My advice to all new Mothers out there would be to keep up on your scripture reading, journal writing and prayers... for these are the things that will give you the strength to carry on through the hard times. Also, keep doing the things that make you happy. Work out, dance, sing, go outside for a walk, etc. Do what makes you you so that you can help your little one to become who they are supposed to be as well:). Find joy in every step of your new and exciting journey :) Stay positive and take it one day at a time!"

It's time for another motherhood post! Today's guest is a dear friend of mine who has the cutest little girl ever and has quite a little personality. The pictures say it all!


When Heather asked me to be a guest blogger I felt honored and surprised. I guess sometimes I forget I'm a mother because you take on the role so easily the second they put that little baby into your arms. Well maybe not the exact second they put your baby in your arms. I know that for me, holding my baby was what I anticipated for my whole pregnancy and the truth is that when they put my Anna on my chest right after she was born I was in shock. I was thinking, "That baby came out of me? Really?" I was hoping for some grand moment where I just knew she was mine and that I loved her with all my heart. But honestly, I was just worried about her health, my health, and I was in so much shock that I survived childbirth. Once I recovered from the whole ordeal and Anna was cleaned up and brought to me though I knew that she was mine and that I loved her more than anything in the world. I didn't even know that I was capable of loving someone so much and I continue to learn about my capacity to love and it grows every day. 

During my pregnancy I was worried about the dumb little vain things that every mom worries about. Will my baby be cute? Will she have hair? Will she like me? I really tried not to dwell on those fears because I had much larger fears that were more important. My biggest fear during my pregnancy that I still fear today is if I will be the person she needs. I want to be a better person for her. As a teenager I kind of lived my life however I wanted. I didn't really worry about preparing to be a mom someday. So now I am trying to change and become the mom that Anna needs. I am a work in progress everyday and some days are better than others. I don't always manage our lives very well, sometimes I lose my patience, and sometimes I just make stupid choices. The best thing at the end of the day though is that Anna still loves me and forgives me whether I was a good mom that day or not which gives me what I need to just keep trying and keep going on with life. 

And although life can be hard sometimes the hard times are worth all of the rewarding, wonderful, amazing moments that I have with my daughter. I love the way that Anna gives me kisses right when I need them. I love that we get to be best friends and play together all the time. I love when I get to snuggle her at night and when we take naps together. I love that I get to teach her new things every day and that I am her favorite person in the whole world. There are so many cherished moments that I will never forget like the first time she smiled up at me. 



Speaking of my most cherished moments-the best moments with Anna when she was a tiny baby happened when I was holding her. The best advice I have for a young mom is to hold your new baby whenever you can, don't leave your baby in the car seat at church or at home. Your little one will grow up faster than you think, and once they are big, they don't want much down time to snuggle with mom. You will love every second you get to connect with your baby. And although you want all the time to yourself don't forget your husband needs alone time to connect with your baby too. I underestimated my husband's ability to care for Anna but he has always been completely able to watch her and he needed the time with her too. Another piece of advice I have is to find time for yourself. Struggling with self-esteem and the weight loss after my baby was much easier because I made sure I took time to be alone to do something I enjoyed every week. If you can find 2-3 times per week to focus on you and nothing else you will be happy, rejuvenated, and a better mom. Lastly, don't be afraid to admit that you need your own mom's help! I have never relied on my mom so much and I have never been so grateful for her and all she did to raise me growing up. Being a mom is the greatest thing in the entire world, every day might not be spectacular but I guarantee that everything you endure will be worth it. 

Okay stupid moment. I have 3 different e-mail accounts, (don't ask me why) and I ventured into one that I have not used in a while and found another motherhood guest post! (Yikes....sorry Paige!)  So without further delay, here is my dear cousin and her thoughts on motherhood. You can also read her cute blog here. 


I was nervous to become a mother. Not nervous that I wouldn’t love my baby or that I would crumble from sleep deprivation. I was nervous that when I was handed my baby I would shutdown in ineptitude. I was worried that my inability to predict what’s next would make my planning-ahead tactic useless and I would, in a word, be incapable.
But it was so natural to step into my mothering-skin. I didn’t read books on parenting or research how to best prepare to care for a newborn. A lot of it was just trusting my instincts and my hands. It’s not that I did anything unique, it just came easily because Ada is my daughter, and I’m her mother. That’s the special kind of bond makes the mother the natural soother, the natural understander, the natural nurturer. I have come to know that mothers are very capable people. So, if you're a mother, trust yourself.

I planned on quietly finishing up the last few credits of my undergrad while I stayed at home with Ada and learned what my new-normal was. As it turned out, I was asked to speak at BYU’s Commencement and my husband was accepted to a graduate program in Bologna, Italy. My “quiet” few months turned into a few months of juggling. But I learned that I was able enough to handle it. In the midst of trying to nail down nursing, write a speech for 50,000 people, polish up my public speaking skills, finish up school, and prepare to move abroad, I found that I was capable of doing more than I thought I was. 


I’m not perfect. There are many (many) days where I feel like I fell short. Where I feel like I can’t possibly do all that is asked of me. But I’m trying, day by day, to be proud of the small accomplishments of each day (today I showered, bathed Ada, did two loads of laundry, played endless rounds of peek-a-boo, went grocery shopping, nursed one-handed, made dinner AND found 10 minutes to read. Score). 

Motherhood is about realigning our perspective. It’s about realizing how capable we are. It’s about trusting your instincts and your abilities. It’s about feeling divinely womanly. It’s about slowing down long enough to understand that while time goes fast, we don’t have to. Enjoy it. It is so, so precious.

A couple of people have asked me how being a new mommy is coming along. Being a mother is huge. Something I have been preparing for my whole entire life and now it's here! That seriously boggles my mind. I look at my little girl and think, "I'm your mama! Holy cow I am your mama!" To those who asked,  I would have to say that being a mother has surprisingly come very naturally. Like it was rooted in me the whole entire time, but waiting for the right moment to bring itself forth. And that moment was when I held my little girl for the first time. My motherly instincts came in full force. Sure I still struggle with every day new mommy things, I still look/feel very awkward carrying a car seat around, and I can't seem to get myself ready until after 1:00 but being a mother is wonderful. Amazing. And as always, a working progress. Good thing Evelyn is very patient with me!

It's time for another motherhood post! Our next guest is Katy. I just recently visited her and her cute baby girl  who is just the cutest thing ever.