Down Heather Lane: those that I love

Family, family photos, those that I love

Family pics

12:36 PM

birthday, celebrations, cooking, recipe, those that I love

Jake's birthday and fruit tart recipe

10:06 AM

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Some of our heroes are important people in the past. Or present. My hero at the time was a very small 10 year-old; who saved my life. Yes I'm talking about my sister Megan! Today marks the day I had my bone marrow transplant in which my younger sister Megan was the donor. I always like to get my Aplastic Anemia album my mother put together for me and look at pictures and read letters my parents wrote to everyone while our family was going through this hard trial. I came across this letter a couple of weeks ago and wanted to share it with you. It's actually a letter that was sent to my dad from a dear friend.

"Yesterday afternoon I spoke with a friend of mine who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma about six weeks ago. He has been through 6 rounds of chemo and has two left. He will also undergo four weeks worth of radiation treatments. His spirits are good. They were able to catch the cancer in the very early stages so his prognosis is excellent.

As part of his treatment he had some bone marrow harvested for evaluation. They needed to determine if the cancer had spread to his marrow. I commented on the fact that another friend had a daughter who had just received a marrow transplant and that her little sister was the donor. He chocked up a little and then made the following statement. "You know I am a big guy (he is about 6'4" 265). I played football from the time I was 8 years old through college. I have been bruised to the point it was hard to find normal skin on my body. But I have never endured pain like that. My hips still ache at times." Then I told him that Megan was 10 years old and had at least two, if not four incisions, where they had gone in multiple times to harvest marrow. He was stunned.

That thought coupled with Megan's testimony on Sunday brought tears to my eyes. In life we see many people who are branded as heroes, courageous, and brave. We all have stories in our family history of those who have made sacrifices so that we could be here. But sometimes the most poignant lessons we learn are from the humility and love of a 10 year-old."

That letter pretty much sums up all the thoughts I've been having lately as I look back on this particular time in my life. My sister Megan is an amazing individual. I am so grateful for her willingness to go through so much pain for me. I'm so sad she is on the other side of the United States right now and that we can't be together to celebrate this day! Love you Megan and happy BMT birthday!! Can't wait to see you during Christmas! Maybe we will just have to celebrate then!

Family, motherhood, those that I love, trials

Mending, healing

8:31 AM

I don't publish everything I write on here. Sometimes it's because maybe I think it's dumb and not well written. Other times it's too personal to share. I have been debating back and forth for a while, whether or not I should publish this post because it's very personal to me. But I feel like I need to share this to help me. Help me move on. And to maybe help others that have gone through the same thing.

I held Evelyn in my arms a little bit longer this night before I put her to bed. She had just finished her bottle and was sound asleep. I just stared in awe at the perfect little human being that was fast asleep in my arms. Her cute little nose. Her perfect little hands wrapped around the blanket.

Evelyn was going to be a big sister. Was.

I was almost 14 weeks with my second pregnancy. Still no sign of a heart beat. We went in for an ultrasound a couple of hours later where the doctor told us the horrible news. I had lost the baby. I held it in until the doctor left and then I just plunged into Jake's arms and we both sobbed. Thoughts rushed into my head. Miscarriages happen to other people...not me, and what did I do wrong?

Of course there was nothing I could've done differently. I was the perfect healthy pregnant woman. But that didn't stop me from thinking of things I could've done differently.

Evelyn was at my moms house and everyone was unaware of the news that we had just received. Jake and I took a couple of hours to ourselves to talk about what had just happened. And cry. Lots and lots of crying. We were so excited to see Evelyn with a new sibling and that they would be just under two years apart. So excited to have another perfect little child in our midst.

When we went to pick up Evelyn, I ran to her, picked her up and gave her the biggest hug. My thoughts turned from heartbreak to immediate happiness. I was so thankful for this perfect little girl I was holding in my arms and what a joy she has brought into my life. Yet again, I am reminded of how much Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of everything I go through. I have never once been angry at him during this trial. Some days are still hard. But when those days come around, I look down at the little hand holding mine and smile.

Thanks to the family members who were aware of the situation and for all the help and love that was sent our way. I truly am blessed with an amazing family.